97 days and counting…I’ve been absent because I’m getting rocked by life and trying to find the words to get it all down.
You’ll often hear people talk about yoga and use the metaphor of peeling an onion…that the more you work, the more you discover. Layer by layer, you just keep going deeper and deeper and deeper. I have been mourning some of my friendships as of late. Being a new mom has really changed the people who I interact with and this has been good in one sense but painful in another. I feel thankful that I have a spiritual practice that I can count on to see me through, especially those times when I’m feeling lonely.
I am grieving. I am grieving because I feel estranged and I find it very painful. At the same time, I have been asking the universe to help me focus my life and really clarify to me what my destiny is, what is the legacy I want to leave behind? The relationships in my life help me grow in a profound way. I am reminded by my current changes, that we do in fact get what we ask for and that the universe is always conspiring in our favour; it will show you the best path and all you need is the courage to walk it.
The path of the spiritual gunslinger can be lonely at times. I think this is because the journey is an inward one and there are certainly those that can support and facilitate but its you that has to walk the walk. Even though I have been feeling abandoned I also recognize the incredible relationships I have that are non-judging, loving and inspiring. I have been really working on living authentically, to practice what I preach and in doing so I have created profound change. Change however, is never easy, even when you want it, even when you are seeking it out and so here I am, sitting with my pain and feeling it. It’s a powerful endeavor.
After over three months of consistent practice my physical strength is of a degree that I’ve never felt before. I know that it can continue to grow and I am very much looking forward to refining this strength, both physical and spiritual. In the spirit of change, what I taught all this week I learned from a friend. It’s the concept of let go and let god (of your own understanding of course). My yoga reminds me that I can’t muscle through everything, I can’t force my body to open, I can’t command my daughter to sleep, I can’t force things to be what I want when I want. I am reminded that you can set up a rock steady foundation and then the rest you give up to the universe. You surrender.