Phew! They tell you that once your baby starts moving things get busy and I don’t know about others but I know that crawling has introduced me to a whole new level of crazy. Yoga is much harder daily now and I’m finding that I can get to the mat but sometimes its like 15 minutes which isn’t enough. I have found that I need to start going to classes again, at almost 90 days of practice I’m definitely in need of being in a class situation where you are generating energy with others. I am also acutely aware that the only time I ever leave my baby is to go to work and that is great except that its just not enough. I really need to start carving out time that’s dedicated just to me, not the dog, not the husband and not the babe, just me. This is difficult, especially when you are working because you feel as though you are away from the home enough but the no alone time is just not cutting it anymore.
So last week I had an incident that made me enraged, and I do mean that angry. I felt undervalued and really hurt. I think that is can be common with the momma life because so much of what you do goes unacknowledged, however this particular incident was a work situation hence my vagueness and lack of description. I was so angry about it that it took me a week to write and what I discovered after hours of consideration was that what hurt me most was the lack of acknowledgement.
Everyone wants to be acknowledged, recognized for what they do well and celebrated for the gifts that they offer. When we feel undervalued or unrecognized it can be painful. I was really faced last week with speaking my truth. I could not for the life of me find the courage (or the language) to tell someone they had made me feel insignificant. I realized two things in this process:
1. It is good to keep things to yourself when you are too angry (or any other emotion) to communicate effectively. I dislike being in a reactionary situation and so try hard not to cultivate these.
2. Speaking your truth is much easier when you think that the retort you are going to get from someone is understanding vs. too bad for you.
What I learned from all of this was to really work at acknowledging others. Everyone wants to be witnessed to some degree. Everyone wants to be heard while they are speaking.
I think too that yoga teaches us that the body also wants to be acknowledged. A lot of us go through life living in physical pain that we ignore or we have somehow forgotten about, the body working its way around it so we don’t feel it anymore. Part of the process in working with the body is to to unveil these sensations and hold them in a new way. So much of what I experience in my own practice is this revealing of old anger, pain, joy in my body but with my current lens can experience these things in a new way. Perhaps that’s where real healing begins.