Negotiating the Shadow

My computer had what I assume to be the equivalent of the black plague but $250 dollars and two visits later I have become cycbot and rootkit free for as long as it takes for the wonderful world of hacking to come my way again.  Why do people think its appropriate to access information that isn’t their’s and has nothing to do with them?  Where are people’s sense of respect and boundaries?   I find it so confusing and well, infuriating that someone thinks sitting around and creating infections to access computers is a valuable way to contribute to society and spend some time.  Enough of that rant however, we can’t dwell so much in the realm of how we think others should be conducting themselves, but rather we can only focus how we can conduct our own selves.

I was up pretty much all night again last night.  I do not know what is going on for my daughter but she has been up for, on average, two hours every night for over a week.  I am trying very, very hard not to go to a dark place as this all happens and for the most part I am successful.  Its interesting though that as we all come up against the shadow pieces of ourselves, we often turn away and bury them in some deep, dark corner of the body.  Practicing yoga teaches us a deep body awareness and will illuminate even the deepest of crevasses, much to our chagrin.  So as we wander down the path of yoga we often meet these shadow pieces and have to greet them head on, both on and off the mat.

I have been staring into the eyes of what I do not admire about myself.  Brought on by sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, consistent yoga and profound life shifts I have to repeatedly met these pieces of myself I would rather ignore, deny and disown.  However, how does one on a quest for wholeness disown pieces of herself?   Well you can’t, you have to gaze into the abyss and keep saying yes.

Reclaiming the disowned parts of yourself is, I believe, an integral part to any spiritual practice.  It is one of the most fundamental ways of being honest and truthful with yourself.  It also teaches you self forgiveness, that we can all make mistakes but not be held as infallible by others and more importantly ourselves.  These shadow pieces are not license to go through life abusing others, I’m not referring to making it ok that you are violating someone else’s human rights, I am referring to the anger that you want to ignore, the shame you want to bury and the hurt you want to disown.

Yoga is a practice that grows body awareness giving us a flashlight to examine the deep cave of our being. Rather than shunning the darkest corners, we have this tool with which we can go in, take a look and allow yourself to get to know these black places.  On your journey inward, continue to illuminate, examine and own these pieces; noticing how they change as your light of self understanding grows and your spirit flourishes.


About Cindy Stockdale

A mother, daughter, sister, wife, friend. A medicine woman, yoga teacher, priestess, spiritual gunslinger. I seek truth, light and above all love. My walk is to help others remember who they are and no matter what, they are loved deeply, connected fully and belong to the family of all things.
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