I’m almost at 60 days, I have no idea how that happened or even how I have survived doing that amount of yoga. On one hand it makes total sense and on another it seems impossible. I feel the same way about being a mother. That word has been so loaded to me my whole life, to step into the shoes of mother is nothing short of a surreal experience. They really do mean it when they say its the hardest and most amazing thing you will do your whole life.
I have been plagued by fatigue and anger. Fatigue has left my mouth feeling like its full of cotton, my tongue and lips unable to annunciate anything worth communicating. This is why its been quiet on the ole blog front. I feel like I’ve been lacking shine and who wants to read dull.
The other thing that I’m just observing in myself is this incredible anger that seems to have reared its ugly head. Its like a volcano that erupts out of my body when I least expect it (well honestly its in the middle of the night) and I feel astounded at the amount of rage that is seething beneath my surface. I don’t know how much of it is that I’m tired of getting up in the middle of the night. The Labour Day weekend will mark one year since I last slept longer than 6 hours in one stretch. Although I can attribute some of my anger to this frustration, intutively I know its more than that.
Doing yoga starts to unleash that which lays dormant in the body. Through a consistent practice you begin to unravel days, month, years of things left unsaid, old hurts, old injuries. What is so beautiful however is that with all this digging what we do is reveal that which we were unable to manage before, but are hopefully able to manage now, as an adult, with new skills and tools available to us.
That is one of the many things I love about this practice. You can do your move your body, breathe in time and leave it on the mat. The real yoga though, comes off the mat, into your everyday life. It is the sense that we can learn how to inquiring about ourselves. To take old ‘stuff’ and deal with it in a new way so that we can work towards our own liberation, freedom from our past(s) and our future(s) and get present. To ask, how did I get here, is this where I want to be and am I living to my fullest potential. Yoga not only teaches us the art of inquiry, it also gives us new tools with which to clean up our act and, like I said, set ourselves free.